.same thing as my livejournal profile.
I'm not as happy as I was before.
I'm not as happy as I thought I was, anyway.
I'm not as happy as I want to be.
I don't know why.
I'm broken, shattered.
I'd like to say that I know exactly why, but I don't.
I don't know, but I'm guessing it's my fault anyway.
Because I always mess things up for myself.
Really, I do.
Yes, even when I don't want to.
So I'm probably the reason why I'm broken.
I'm malfunctioning again, selfish, pathetic, overemotional idiot that I am, and seeing as I'm the one who caused this...well, I'm pretty sure I won't be able to fix myself.
Except, well, the people who can fix me--I think I drove them all away. Not that I wanted to. I guess that's what I always end up doing, eventually.
Because I am useless.
Yeah. I'm not worth a damn to most people, anyway. There are some who are all clingy towards me, sometimes, but that's only when they need something. I dunno; some people must think of me as a hug dispenser. I know I give hugs to almost anyone, but you've got to understand, I need my dose of hugs too.
So, I dunno. I'm wandering off topic, but that's okay since I don't have a topic anyway. Oh, wait, is it supposed to be myself?
I'm a freak, a nerd, a geek, a snob, a person with borderline personality disorder, whatever you like. I'd want to fly, but most of the time I end up crashing, so I've learned not to expect anything of myself.
Most of the time when people approach me it's only because they need something from me. And I've already typed that. Right.
I crave for affection, acceptance, security, whatever you like. I'm emotionally unstable, that's why. So, once upon a time, there were some people who genuinely cared. But I saw that I was only depressing them, that I was making their lives so much harder for them, so I thought maybe I should just distance myself from them. So I did.
And that, I suppose, was the biggest mistake of my life.
And that too, I suppose, is why I'm adrift. Drifting, drifting, with nowhere to go and nothing to do. I've hit a dead end, I guess. I don't see the point anymore; I lost any semblance of having a proper life ages ago.
So I suppose that's why I'm suicidal. Yes, I'm suicidal, didn't you notice?
I'm suicidal but I'm too weak and cowardly to finally get it over with.
So I content myself with self-injury, cutting myself open and pouring alcohol inside the wounds, hoping that the pain is enough to make me feel something, and also enough to numb all other overwhelming emotions.
So I wanted to pick between life and death, and I ended up choosing a little bit of both.
That sums up my life, I guess. Situated somewhere on that line between really alive, and really dead. I'm neither. I'm one of those people with pointless lives, dying souls, empty smiles.
Call me weak, call me worthless, call me whatever you like.
Chances are, I deserve it.
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17.9.06
Of Technorati, Creative Commons, and PageRank
current mood: Internet-addicted ;P
current read: the Technorati homepage
current music:Vincent [Starry, Starry Night] by Josh Groban
what the heck i'm up to right now:looking up some stuff on Google
Blogs, usually, are all about getting stuff out there. Publicity and all that.
So now, forgive me but I'm sort of jumping on the bandwagon ;P
Let's see how I got consumed by the consumer craze XD
Last night I discovered this site that tells you what a webpage's PageRank is. And it started from there.
Before I tell you any more, let's define the term "PageRank".
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Ever wondered how Google almost always gives you the exact result you're looking for? That's because of PageRank.
PageRank is, basically, how many inbound links a webpage has. It's like a numeric representation of how important that page is compared to the rest of the Web.
Let's make this simpler.
Let's say every link is a vote. So PageRank, simply put, is the number of votes a webpage gets from other pages.
Votes, however, aren't all the same value. How important a vote--a link-- is, depends on the PageRank of the page it's coming from.
Let's put this in an example.
Say you want to calculate this blog's PageRank.
So first you tally up all the votes it gets. Let's say it's got one from Yahoo, and another from some random spam site. Naturally, Google would give Yahoo's vote a greater value because: a)Yahoo has a high PageRank [meaning a lot of sites link to it], and b) the other is a spam site and Google doesn't recognize links from such sites[let's not get into that].
It's not just the number of inbound links, however.
If a site links to you by itself [as in, not by link-trading and stuff], it will be worth more than, well, a link you got by link-trading. Think about it like money: If a site links to you by itself, it's giving you, say,$1. So you get one dollar, more than you get by giving a site $1 only if it gives you $1 too [you don't really get much through this method, see?)
Also, the value of the vote you get depends on how many links the voting page has. If it's got a lot of links, its vote will be worth less than a page with less links.
PR(A) = (1-d) + d(PR(t1)/C(t1) + ... + PR(tn)/C(tn))
That's the original equation for PageRank that was published while it was being developed. It's probable that Google is using a variation of it, but we don't know for sure.
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PageRank isn't the only thing Google takes into account when ranking pages, but it counts for a lot nonetheless.
And since last night I found out that my old blog URL [http://paranoidschizophrenia.blogspot.com) actually had a PageRank, and I lost it because I changed my URL, I am now trying to get that PageRank back (if not improve on it ;P)
Which brings us to the next topic: Technorati.
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Technorati is,basically, a blog directory/blog search engine. It allows for users to surf through the "blogosphere", as they call it, and browse/subscribe to/add whatever blog to their favorites list.
Basically, one big blog-link-trading thing. Sort of.
It's a place to "get your blog out there". It's a place to "make your blog more visible". And since it's currently indexing more than 50.6 million blogs, I'm guessing this must be true.
In a way, Technorati is one of those giant directories that help people increase PageRank, and thus, make people's pages more visible on the Web.
Which, well, bring us to the next subject: Creative Commons.
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I suppose Wikipedia says it best, so let me just link you to the page: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Creative_Commons
...So, since your content is a bit more public than usual XD, you'd do best to make sure no one rips it off. And so, Creative Commons and its concept of "Some rights reserved"
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I guess I should end my post here.
More rants on the Internet publicity trend sometime soon ;P
followed the wind; 3:42 PM